The Collegiate Wardrobe Part 1

There are a few things in Collegeland that you can get away with only on campus that should be taken full advantage of as a college student. You should be warned, however, that just like the collegiate excuse you should leave these habits behind when you permanently leave the campus walls. They do not transfer well to real life either. As I said, there are several things to take advantage of while studying at a higher level, but those will be for other days. Today I shall address the one rule that seemingly every college student breaks: The dress for the weather rule.

For collegiate girls, dressing for a particular temperature a month before that temperature actually arrives is a must. You see, when you were growing up your mother always told you that you couldn’t wear that knit hat until November because you would look ridiculous. And since the fall/winter Urban Outfitters catalogue arrives in August it is almost as if your brain cannot even recall what you wore all summer. After looking at pages and pages of wool skirt and tight combos or pea coats with skinny jeans, wearing a tank and shorts really has no appeal. Well, being that there are no mothers here and it is not like you aren’t looking both ways before you cross the street, you should wear whatever floats your boat. In fact, you could even wear a beanie on a boat if you wanted to.

For collegiate guys, I have observed the opposite trend: they hang on to the current season as long as they possibly can. Even if the wind is cold, if the sun is still out and shining, it is okay to wear basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Naturally, this is easier and faster to put on in the morning than jeans and long sleeves. That is the only reason I can think of unless a winter coat signifies that your body is not adequately producing its own heat and must be compensated by wearing a coat and maybe that does not appeal to the male gender. However, by not putting on your coat you make the girls in September look even more ridiculous and this clear lack of consideration is not usually appreciated.

If you are visiting a campus and you are not a college student, you may observe and be confused by the mix of seasons covering the student body population. Rest assured that we do not view you as an outsider merely for your season-appropriate clothes (for other reasons, yes). We know that here in Collegeland it is perfectly acceptable to don the attire of any season that exists anywhere else in the US. Is it cold in Maine right now? Then you are allowed to wear a winter coat to class in Oklahoma, if it is cute (if not, wait until it is undoubtedly winter).

An extra tidbit: Another way to take advantage of dressing without outside influences (I speak of mothers again, but weather works here too) is to combine seasons as a way of transferring gracefully from say, fall to winter. Try wearing a tank top with a scarf and skinny jeans and you will fit in wherever you go from August till the temperature actually drops and you should probably add a cardigan.

Voting as a Collegiate…

Now I am going to assume that as college students, you all know that there is a presidential election coming up very soon; next month, in fact. As college students, however, you have probably been too busy studying for midterms, etc., to keep up with the candidates. I will catch you up, but I will keep this brief as you probably have an event to picket soon.

For starters, there are two candidates running against each other and although they look very different, their views are pretty much the same. That is to say, they have to disagree on some things or else their televised “debates” would just be a conversation of pleasantries. And kindness can appear weak on TV. And as we all know, weakness really isn’t that marketable in the political world. So basically, all you need to know is that both candidates want bigger government and neither of them want you to have any say on what you do with your money or life savings. Think about it this way: you may not have any say over what goes on in your personal life, but you can take comfort in knowing that both of these men care for you in a personal way. You heard them talk about Joe the plumber: that could have just as easily been you.

So basically, if you like socialism and all the warm fuzzy feelings associated with it, voting at all is a win-win situation for America! It is not often that the same outcome is guaranteed with two such seemingly different candidates. So if the candidates really aren’t any different, which one do you vote for? Good question. This is where you get to have a hand in establishing your own personal reputation. It’s really quite simple: If you don’t want to be considered racist, you vote for Obama. If you don’t want to be considered sexist, vote for McCain (this may be confusing to you as McCain is a man and sexism usually refers to women. That is an excellent observation. I say “sexist” because I forgot to mention earlier that Sarah Palin is not only a woman, but also John McCain’s running mate. Furthermore, rumors have been spreading in and outside of the college walls that McCain is getting up there in years and there is a good chance that you could get a female president even though you voted for a man. Confusing, I know).

So it’s up to you, racist or sexist. It’s a sad election when your choice can only bring out your flaws. But in the end, America wins and what more could you ask for?

Words of wisdom: Collegiate excuses do not transfer well to real life...

I have noticed a trend that seems to work well on the university campus that I am a little skeptical about transferring to life after college. It seems to be the cool thing to do these days in class: show up without your work done but excuse your behavior with comments like, "Man, I so would have done the reading but I went out last night instead..." or “I didn’t know we had anything due [as if the rest of the class has some sort of advantage?]”. As one might naturally assume, when I hear a comment like this I respond with, "Oh, you poor thing", just as I would respond to someone who said, "In the middle of reading Aristotle I suddenly produced a high fever and even though I was wiping away the drops of sweat from my brow, I collapsed on the floor and didn't wake up until right before class. Thankfully my roommate found me before I died of dehydration. Unfortunately though, I didn't get through the entire chapter." As an objective college student, I see all excuses as equal in their claims. Because, quite frankly, who am I to judge your poor time-management skills?

Don’t get me wrong, I do feel sorry for the poor souls who went out last night and in the midst of drinking themselves silly forgot to study for their midterm. But I feel I must warn my peers that after they graduate and their employer asks why they are late to work, they should be well-prepared for the unsympathetic response awaiting them if they try to pull a collegiate excuse outside of the thick, collegiate walls of campus.

Check back tomorrow for college-friendly advice on voting in the upcoming election!